Oh it’s a minefield alright. My 9 yo has invited the same girl for three years and has never received an invite back. She’s proudly announced that she’s not inviting her for her tenth in a month. It was heartbreaking the first time but now it’s almost a joke between us. I’m not really friends with the parents here so the parent shit show has been greatly reduced. My kids have also always made their own birthday lists with some suggestions from me eg our next door neighbour as we have a v good relationship with her parents even tho the girls don’t play together. It keeps the friendship and they feed our cat when we are away.
I have had both kids in tears for no invites in the past and the only thing we can do is be there for them. Parenting is so hard sometimes. And there are always some mental parents, totally agree on that one.